Photo by Bluehouse Skis on Unsplash
We go through transitions – expected and unexpected. Usually, there is a catalyst moment, a trigger – some shift big or small that forces us to pause and ponder - What just happened? Or, in some cases, what the %&%@ just happened and What’s next?
One of my triggers was losing a job. For decades, I introduced myself at parties as, "Hi, I'm Amy, and I work in strategy at TNT (or, later, Spanx)." This introduction would then kick off a lively discussion about television shows or undergarments - All excellent fodder for a cocktail party conversation. When I left these jobs, I started introducing myself as "I'm Amy. I used to work at TNT (or Spanx).” Not the most compelling or confident first impression. What I realized about this was – my identity was changing. It wasn’t a better or worse identity, just a different one.
Throughout my business career, I’ve mentored hundreds of women. They have come to me in search of a change. Something in their lives or careers needed an overhaul, and I was there to help talk it through. As I look back on these conversations, I can spot some key themes in what triggers a transition – some are obvious, and others are subtle.
The ones that are pretty easy to spot often come in the form of – what I call - a “TITLE CHANGE” or a significant "MILESTONE."
What’s your trigger for change?
TITLE CHANGE As women, we have a lot of titles. We are daughters, mothers, wives, partners, employees, bosses, coaches, volunteers. When one of these titles changes – due to a job loss, divorce, empty nest, loss of a parent, or partner – we feel a difference in our identity. The role we fulfilled is no longer needed. In some ways, we are getting a pink slip from this job.
MILESTONEs are another trigger for an identity shift. We may hit a big birthday, graduation, or retirement. You can no longer call yourself a student, the VP of XYZ company, or a 30-something.
SNEAKY TRIGGERS. Other triggers are much more subtle. They come about slowly, without ceremony. They are the hardest to spot and the most challenging to honor. They present themselves as a slow rumble in the background that gets louder and louder. I always love the metaphor of the frog in the pot:
“If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it jumps right out. But if you put it in a pot of nice comfortable water and then turn on the heat, the frog will complacently let himself be boiled.”
Often the need for an identity change comes about slowly over time. We have a growing feeling that we may not be where we are supposed to be. “How did I get here, and is this where I want to be?” These realizations come after some significant investments: in degrees and careers, in relationships, through living the expectations of others.
Sneaky triggers are the hardest to honor. With such an investment, we are afraid to make a change. Often, our lives check all the boxes – a good job, a good home life, good health. Why change?
An identity change can stop cold in your tracks. If I’m not ____, then who am I? How do I describe myself at parties?
How to thoughtfully being your transition - Borrowed from the world of strategic planning
Capture the Peaks and Valleys
Look back over some time. It can be the last three months or the previous three years - your choice. Pull out a sheet of paper and draw this:
Think about your peak and valley moments. What were they? Let’s get real! No one will see this. What were the lowest moments?
Honor the Lessons
We hate to hear it, but here are lessons here. What are they? What do you know now that you didn't know then? Write these down.
I Like, I Wish, What if?
Answer these three questions. What did you like about this experience in your life/year? What do you wish for next? And now the big one – What if…? What if? is all about looking forward. Only you know what your what if’s are. They can be big or small:
· “What if I could create cool stuff with people I love and respect and make a living?”
· “What if I never had to do laundry again?”
For bonus points: Rewrite one of your "What if" questions beginning with "How many ways can I think of to…"? Share it with five friends and see what you get.
Well done! You just kicked off your transition. You looked back and looked ahead, you framed a great question, and you connected with your community to help propel you forward. Let me know how it goes! What problem did you pose? What ideas did you generate?
Congratulations on moving from trigger to transition!
If you'd like a simple worksheet, download this copy to capture peaks, valleys, lessons, and what if?
“Hi, my name is Amy. I started Springboard to design learning experiences so that others see new possibilities, practice new behaviors, and grow.”
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