What retirees can teach us about big transitions
A new year always brings new chapters and newfound enthusiasm to pursue long-time dreams. Each new year, I am reminded of the power of a clean slate for changing habits - as Gretchen Rubin shares in her book Better than Before.
In the past few weeks, several former colleagues have reached out to share their career transition plans with me. One friend was laid off after a long career in the same company. Another hasn’t made a move yet but shared her unsettling feeling that there must be something better out there. Some are charging into new chapters enthusiastically, and others have unexpectedly been pushed into them.
Seven years ago, I pivoted out of a corporate career to start a consulting firm. That sentence sounds so simple and deliberate. As if I were in control and everything went smoothly according to a well-architected plan. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My journey from a stable, predictable job with a steady paycheck to building a business was messy. Today, I cringe when I see Instagram posts humble bragging about six-figure revenue in six months and #girlboss advice that “you got this.” In the early days, I was overwhelmed with loss.
Transitions are ambiguous, meandering, and clunky. For me, the next few years were filled with endless experiments, tests, prototypes, and partners before landing in a groove (for now). In the space between the new thing and the old thing was a martini shaker mixed with excitement and loss.
If you are entering a new chapter, be ready for big changes in these three facets of your life.
Structure:
While many of us rail against the norms of 9-5 office work - I quickly realized that structure is my friend. The early days of COVID freedom were like an extended snow day. Eventually, even my introverted husband realized that he actually likes being around co-workers and savors the book ends that his commute provides to his day.
If you are between the old and the new, build structure into your days, weeks, and months. The best solution for me was joining a coworking space AND investing in building a new community there.
Identity:
The most jarring part of my transition was the change in my identity. I invested years in pursuit of the title, company, or accomplishment and was proud of what I had achieved. When asked at cocktail parties, “what do you do?” I was equipped with endless tales about the television, entertainment, and fashion industries.
The loss of a long-standing job or company connection leaves a void. The corporate identity is a clear and easy shorthand that most people understand. I dreaded the awkward explanation of what I was doing now and often resorted to “I used to be ….”. When our title and role change – due to a job loss, new chapter, or transition – we feel a difference in our identity.
Relationships:
Last and most important, I was unprepared for the loss of relationships from the community I’d cultivated over twenty years in one company. My support network, gym buddies, and bridesmaids were also professional colleagues. I remain connected to many of them nearly ten years later, but still miss the spontaneous, casual connections that came from seeing them every day.
Of these three features of your old life: structure, identity, and relationships, I encourage you to devote effort to relationships first. To that end, below are two resources to help you evaluate and cultivate happiness in your new chapter.
Immediately in 2023, I jumped into The New York Times Seven Day Happiness Challenge and have had some marvelous conversations with friends I haven’t connected with in years. You can start this any time!
My podcast feed has been filled with interviews and insights from the book release of The Good Life, Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger M.D., Marc Schulz PHD. The Good Life is the result of an eighty-year longitudinal research study and shows us how we can make our lives happier and more meaningful through our connections to others.
“Relationships in all their forms—friendships, romantic partnerships, families,
coworkers, tennis partners, book club members, Bible study groups—
all contribute to a happier, healthier life.”
Best of luck in your 2023 transitions.
Amy